Jokes and Quotes

"A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones." Proverbs 17:22

https://www.funny-jokes-quotes-sayings.com

"The Old Days"



Grandpa was telling his young grandson what life was like when he was a boy.

"In the winter we’d ice skate on our pond. In the summer we could swim in the pond, and pick berries in the woods. We’d swing on an old tire my dad hung from a tree on a rope. And we had a pony we rode all over the farm."

The little boy was amazed, and sat silently for a minute. Finally he said, "Granddad, I wish I'd gotten to know you a lot sooner!"

"Hearing Better Now"



An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.

After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.

The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”

SENIOR PERSONAL ADS



Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Not in running condition but walks well.

Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.

Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy.

Sexy, fashion-conscious, blue-haired beauty, 80’s, slim, 5’4 (used to be 5’6) searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

I usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let’s put our two heads together.

I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let’s get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.